Mutes text chains…

For eight years I have allowed technology to control too much of my life.

Emails, texts, messages and comments have influenced my day, historically interrupted my train of thought and guided my priorities far too often.

As I have mentioned here, I spent April focusing on loving my kids and husband and putting them first in every area of my life I could think of.

Many many many times over the past month I caught myself doing, saying or not doing something out of an ingrained habit and when I would I paused to explore that habit more deeply I noticed that said actions were entirely self-serving (you may want to ask, “Is that a bad thing?” and for the purpose of this exercise and simplicity’s sake, yes it was to me and we can chat more in-depth about it later) and not actually nourishing to me.

My gravel road for no reason except that I love it.

For example, texts and emails or phone calls would come in and I would feel an immediate need to read, respond and address them but I would stop.

I would ask myself, “Is this a good time right now for you to get sucked into something in your phone?”

I would search myself to honestly evaluate if I had the mental and emotional bandwidth to be in two places at once.

I would quickly determine whether my kids needed me in that moment or could potentially be needing me soon and nine times out of ten the call of the digital engagement came at a bad time.

I asked myself, “Why do you feel drawn to engage with people via technology right now when you have people right here that need you?”

The answers would vary.

Sometimes it was because I wanted distraction, something else to do.

Sometimes it was because I wanted to chat with a friend or connect with an adult.

Often it was pressure to respond because, “it’s rude not to,” and I worried about offending someone and needed them not to be offended by me.

Or it was, “this person needs me,” and it feels good to be needed but people that are new and different, not your family.

Even so, I would ask, “Is that person more important than your children and your husband and the need to be calm and present right now so you can serve them best?”

And my answer was often no.

Never was the “ding ding” of my phone helping me to be at peace and focused on the task at hand but often it would offer me some fleeting good feelings enticing me to stop what I was doing and engage digitally elsewhere.

Never did it make me feel nourished or fulfilled, but often wanton for more, like a glass of plain water when what you really need is some Nat mur.

I have been shifting my boundaries around technology for a couple of years now.

Turning off notifications, setting times when I can “check” email or scroll social media.

I muted text chains and the bells that alert you to them.

But this month it was a deeper departure from the “ding ding” dopamine hits of the phone.

I followed the trail of my habits and habit-associated emotions to have better clarity in the moment about who I want to be in this family and what small little actions I needed to consistently take in order to be that person.

That meant feeling no current pressure to respond to the digital calls, outside of emergency and messages that required my response, like how many lemons I want my husband to grab at the store.

I’ve had push back.

People have been annoyed at me for not responding to their social media messages ( not work related, because I am not taking on clients and current clients know to email me and not expect an immediate response) and that’s ok because it’s not my mission to please everyone but to honor the Lord with my time and my kind and He has so clearly shown me that He wants me to serve and be present with my family and so everyone else will just have to deal with that.

My work currently is homeschooling my children and running my farm.

That lifestyle shift was a conscious decision I made to trade making money for making food (saving money) and memories with my kids, so I no longer have the responsibility to paying clients I owe responses to.

You may not be in that place right now and I’m not insinuating you should live like I do.

I do wish that back when I was working digitally I had followed the trail of my emotions, habits and dopamine releasing needs to better understand myself and set more effective and me-appropriate boundaries in my work.

I think it’s very challenging to be both a mom and work online because everything in your life can become content.

Every moment of your life can be occupied by your thinking about your work, as much as you try not to.

Nevertheless knowing yourself and why you relate with technology the way that you do can help you create a plan for moving forward that allows you to live your life more Girl, UNinterrupted.

For me, it’s adopting the lifestyle of someone that refused to live under the tyranny of a vibrating hand computer that tried to tell me what to do and so I air the necessary action around that.

*mutes text chains.

*rarely checks dm’s

*push to get notifications turned on

*pressure to answer folks immediately turned OFF

xoxo,

Sarah Smith