Doing my husband’s job

The other day I caught myself doing my husband’s job.

It was an honest and logical mistake.

I like to fill voids, do things that need doing and I’m a very excitable girl.
Staying in my lane has been a challenge for me sometimes because I like to be “helpful” but somewhere in the middle of my taking charge I felt the Lord’s conviction much like Elijah on the mountain.

“What are you doing here, Elijah?” the Lord asked His servant repeatedly when Elijah created His own itinerary and failed to let the Lord lead.

“Lord I’m here serving YOU,” my mind answered Him.

Like Elijah, I argued, “ I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts!”

I’m doing your work.
Doing necessary things!
Doing things for you!

I could almost feel His burning gaze upon me, looking through me as I crumbled inside with conviction.
No I wasn’t.
I wasn’t serving Him, I was serving myself.
I wasn’t trusting Him, I was taking charge.
I wasn’t following, I was leading and in doing so, this simple little seemingly harmless action was signaling redundancy to my husband.

I was upstaging Him in my trying to be “helpful”.

Over 16 years of marriage and 44 years of being a woman, I have learned a thing or two about men and one of those things is efficiency.
They love efficiency and hate wasting energy.

They don’t go where they aren’t wanted, work when they aren’t needed, stay when they are not required.

Even the most mild-mannered of men are hard-wired to be adventurers.
They seek to blaze trails, solve problems, PROVIDE in one form or another and not follow in women’s footsteps.

They certainly will do so, in the same way that a lion will adjust to living in a zoo, but it comes at a cost.
Fierceness, confidence, leadership, tenacity, bravery and dependence upon an Almighty God are significant pieces of that cost.

Jean Béraud (French, 1849-1936), Rond-Point des Champs-Élysées, painted circa 1880. 14¾ x 22⅛ in (37.4 x 56.2 cm). Estimate: $500,000-700,000. This lot is offered in 19th Century European Art on 18 April 2018 at Christie’s in New York

As women in today’s age, married to fellow human beings, it can be so easy to step in to do our husband’s jobs when we perceive they are missing something.

Like us, they are fallible.
They miss things. They fail. They trip up and get sloppy. They grow weary.

The temptation to focus on the missteps of another human being rather than letting the Lord show us where we ourselves are lacking is part of our original sin.

What was Eve supposed to be doing when she was instead of negotiating with the Prince of Darkness?
What was she compensating for?

What problem did she think she was troubleshooting?

What plank in her own eye was she overlooking as she sought to provide for she and Adam?


The interesting thing about sin in this life is that it doesn’t always come as some sexy and obviously wicked temptation.

No indeed it mostly comes to us wrapped in a logical package.

“This makes sense,” we say to ourselves as we turn and disobey God.
“This is helpful and needed,” is what I said to myself the other day as I stepped out of my lane and sinned against God and my family.

It made sense to Abraham to lie about his wife to save his own skin.
It made sense to Saul to seek out guidance from a witch.
It made sense to Peter to chop off that centurion’s ear and yet none of these actions were right in God’s eyes.

Our logical mind can be a useful tool in this life, but it is carnal in nature, it is of this earth and therefore susceptible to corruption by the rulers of this age.

This is why we are warned to put on the armor of God daily for our spiritual battles, to test every spirit, and to be sober and vigilant because the devil is seeking for people, relationships, marriages and families that he can devour. (Ephesians 6; 1 John 4:1; 1 Peter 5:8)

In my repentance I apologized for doubting God by grabbing His reigns out of those of my husband’s and asked Him to show me, “what is the work I should have been doing instead?”

I am always learning that this is a huge part of walking with the Lord: learning to do His work and not the work we have assigned ourselves.

My prayer today is that I make these types of mistakes less often and that you too are faced with clarity today around what it is that the Lord is calling you to do for Him and not relysimply on what “makes sense”.

Whether we like it or not, as wives we are the helpmeets, the ezer, help, helper or support, not the leader.

It’s God’s design.
It doesn’t mean we are worth less, work less or less wise.

It means that in His perfect order that He has created, that persists in this fallen world, He still calls us to honor the job He gave us Day one.

That job was to submit and support and in turn receive the blessings from obeying our Father and the provision of a man who is called to literally lay down his body for us as Christ did for the church, that is to say, die to his self for us.

I know women that will scoff at this idea and say, “well you’ve clearly never met my husband, he’s the most selfish man I have ever met. Die for me? He won’t even get up off the couch,“ and if that’s the case, I’m not here to argue with you. The world is filled with weak men. But I will say this.

The only thing that can change such a man is the Lord and it’s the enemy’s job to convince you that you can do the work of filling the voids your husband is leaving, therefore creating new voids in your household by not doing your own work.
The perversion of roles and the corruption of what God has designed is his purview and he delights in distortion.
He loves to make you tired, worn, fatigued and resentful by convincing you to do someone else’s job.

Stay vigilant and say close to the Lord!

I wrote this today not in judgement but rather in confession.
Like Elijah I had to answer to the Lord when He asked me, “What are you doing here?” and I looked around to see how I had gone off on my own.

And you made be called to answer this same questions today, tomorrow, next week or next year.

But I believe that as women we have the power to do great things in our households by humbling ourselves, seeking the Lord and not our own satisfaction or security, shelving our logical minds and putting on the mind of God.
It’s a dirty, humbling, uncomfortable job sometimes and yet it comes with peace because the clouds clear and suddenly we see exactly what it is that God is calling us to do,

To do justly (what is fair)

Love mercy (hold back judgement)

And walk humbly with our God.

Micah 6:8

xoxo,

Sarah