Wrestling to find the answer to my questions

There are multiple areas in my life right now in which the path forward feels muddy and unclear.

“Ok Lord, but what do I do?” has been my prayer daily for weeks, probably months.

This morning He answered me via Elisabeth Elliot’s Heart For God devotional:

Only one thing can prevent you from doing the will of God-your will.

For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother, sister and mother.

Matthew 12:50

I realized as I read these words how much I have been wrestling with, ping ponging back in forth in my mind between, God’s will and my own? No.

Different versions of my own will.

The logical will,

the emotional will,

the self-sacrificing will,

the whimsical fantastic will,

the selfish will,

and the lazy will.

I kept asking God, “Which one do I choose?” not realizing that I was shopping in an aisle that only features different version of my own product, all owned and produced by the same company with slightly different labels, ingredients and characteristics, but mine none the less.

I’ve been here many times.

Many of my decision-making experiences over the years have looked like this-I have some habits to break.

I get in my head.I create strategies and rationales for all the different actions I could take and then wrestle on loop, daily and nightly to determine “Which which one is the right path?”

I OVER emphasize my control over outcomes.

I put myself in place of my God.

I feel like it’s ALL on me and only me to solve the problem. Anybody else relate?

This morning, it all became clear to me how simple the answers to all my questions are.

“Your will, not mine.”

In all my mental problem-solving and decision-making, I haven’t really been seeking the will of my God and I haven’t totally trusted Him in His will.

You see, I’m a doer by nature, a problem-solver a , “grab the bull by the horns,” type of gal.

I have learned to believe that if I want a way out or through a situation, I have to blaze the trail myself.

It’s a strategy that worked on for a time until it overtook me.

There’s nothing wrong with being diligent, being willing to roll up my sleeves and do the work, EXCEPT when I start to put more emphasis on my own work and choices than on God’s omnipotence and omniscience.

I lose trust, I grow accustomed to ONLY trusting in my own strength and wisdom. It’s hubris and silly.

I grow weary, sloppy and even foolish and I don’t even know it.

“I’ve got this, God” or “I can figure this out,” seem like dutiful and responsible attitudes but they are too reminiscent of David taking the census, Moses striking the rock twice and Abraham lying about Sarah being his sister, they are flawed, faithless and foolish.

When the One who knows it ALL and holds it ALL is standing right there saying,

Come to ME all you who are heavy and burdened, I will give you rest.

Take MY yoke-not yours, because mine is easy and the burden I will give you will be light because I will show you how to carry it, no matter how big it appears.

(Paraphrases of Matthew 11: 28, Psalm 25, 1Peter 5:7, Luke 1:37).

So in the quiet early light of morning today I am feeling the need to surrender it all.

Because I know that when I ask God to make my will align with His, I know He will do it, I know He will show me the way forward, I know it will be better than anything I could have planned because He holds the future and He holds back no good thing.

I feel peace in the clarity, I can even visualize His hands lifting the burden off me as He hands me the simple tasks for today, reminding me not to worry about tomorrow, He’s already there.

Not my will, Lord, but yours.

I would ask you to pray for me today that I will rest in His will so I can get out of my head and just trust in Him.

I am doing the same for you and if you can relate or have specific areas you would like prayer for so you can accept and see His will over yours, please share in the comments.

Xoxo,

Sarah

PS-Hints on what God’s will looks like-

It will never violate His word.

It will never call you to neglect the responsibilities He has given you, but it may require that you let go of duties you’ve taken on or become attached to that are not from Him.

It will give you peace that passes understanding while also requiring you walk by faith and not by sight. (Matt 6, 2 Corinthians 5:7)

It will take you out of your comfort zone. 2 Corinthians 12

It will be better than your way, Isaiah 55:8-9

Since I’m a physical doer-for me it often requires that I stop taking action and put that energy into prayer and resting.

For people that tend to err on the other side, it can look like the courage to finally take the action God is calling you to, to give up complacency.

Whichever you are, asking for others to pray for you will help you find the way forward.

We are one body in Christ and we need each other.

For me breakthroughs come when I ask others to pray with and for me.