Women, for the love of God, let men help you.

We have cultivated an atmosphere that is both toxic to men and harmful to women.

It’s a major driver of health problems (like prolapse and adrenal fatigue) in women.

And it’s rooted in the devaluing of our work as women.

Let me explain.

Today I brought my boys to pick up feed for our animals.

We typically drive an hour to pick up our organic feed on site at the farm that produces it but fortunately for us they also deliver to various parking lots around NC and Today they were in Raleigh and so were we!

We rolled up to get our 20 bags of feed (50lbs each and VERY AWKWARD LOADS). I stopped the truck and the boys got out and immediately started moving bags.

I looked around and saw that all the other cars were filled with women, so after we were all loaded, I moved my truck, parked it and the boys got out to help the other women load, one of which was VERY pregnant in flip flops and a sundress with two little kids in the car who were super concerned about where mum was going, cuties.

I said, “Miss, which is your pile, my boys will load it for you,”

She reacted-“Oh no, you don’t have to do that. I can do it. I’m not as “bad” 😳☹️🤔 as I look,” by “bad” I think she meant “helpless, pregnant, or incapable” but I’ll never know for sure.

Anyways being older and taller/bigger than she I said in a tone that I believe communicated I’m not asking, I’m telling,

“Let them help you, it’s good for them [and good for you.]”

She relented, looked relieved to be able to stay close to her kids and said thank you in a tone that suggested appreciation yet frustration with her current state and we moved on to help others.

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Was it pushy and bossy of me to do this? Maybe.

Is it for me to decide what’s right for her or take away her autonomy?

Absolutely not.

But in this instance I was willing to take the risk seeing full well as I interacted with this woman that she was reacting to a situation and not responding thoughtfully with respect to her physiological and emotional needs.

She didn’t realize her hands were already full as she sought to take on yet another bundle.

Momma appeared to be worn out (understandably so) and responding more out of habit than out of a lack of need for assistance.

Women these days are so in the habit of saying, “no “ to assistance, particularly from men.

With the exception of the perpetual damsel in distress types, most women go out into the world every day, or even run their homes with an , “I got this” attitude.

It’s the expectation.

It’s become so normalized.

We often wear it as a badge, a source of pride.

We. Don’t. Need. Help.

But the truth is we do and we need to re-learn how to expect it, ask for it and receive when it comes.

We are carrying so much, more important and heavier burdens than bags of chicken feed.

If we were encouraged to truly value all that we are doing and giving to our families and the world at large, I think we would think twice before rejecting assistance from anyone, but especially men that see us not as something “weaker” than them but as precious, special and busy and are offering their brute strength out of habit, training or on occasion true understanding of women as a gift and giver.

This gal today was LITERALLY carrying a growing baby with two other kids in tow.

She was adorably pregnant.

Simply walking was a struggle right now (been there!) and it was right for stronger, capable young men to SEE the need for their strength and to offer it not because she couldn’t do it, but because they had extra energy and strength to offer a woman who was already giving so much to the world.

She is a precious resource and she is to be honored as such.

The two things I think most important in this story are the following:

Young men being raised to rise to the occasion, embrace a challenge and sacrifice their comfort and strength to help others need opportunities to practice this skill.

They need NOT be told that they have nothing to offer.

They don’t need to be encouraged to sit on their ass and watch others struggle.

They need to be taught to lend their strength, to offer their bodies as living sacrifices to others.

This is their design and their spiritual act of worship.

They need to practice being useful and society needs to stop telling them, “We don’t need you,” because we do.

Women are taking for granted their work and roles as women, devaluing them and putting pressure on themselves to do the work of women with little acknowledgment of said work AND to do the work of men as well.

I’ve been pregnant three times and I was the quintessential, “I don’t need any help” pregnant momma.

I’m legitimately embarrassed now to even think of it 🤮. No wonder I developed prolapse. I tried to do it all and the bottom fell out.

I have to wonder how many times I refused help to do something I DIDN’T need to be doing I used up physical and emotional energy to be something I didn’t need to be, prove something to myself about my “capability” only to later on that day have a short fuse for my children who needed me to mother and love them but I didn’t have the bandwidth, I was fried from other activities.

My third pregnancy was the most egregious .

I was sort of ashamed of being pregnant again.

Three babies in five years while everyone around me wasn’t having any kids, or maybe having one, I felt like everyone was thinking, “Geeze, get a new hobby,” and some people were.

I felt a need to prove that while, yes, I was a mom of a growing family and carrying her another baby, I didn’t need special treatment.

I was tough.

Lol.

What a joke.

No wonder I struggled with depletion and burnout after that.

I was strong and capable and I’m sorry I ever felt the need to prove such a thing by exhibiting physical strength, by showcasing independence, by “doing it all,”.

Mommas, yours is a role that is so hard because much of the work and heavy lifting you NEED to be doing is one of creating a loving, calm and nourishing home for your little lambs, resting and being nourished yourself because you are constantly pouring love and care into others.

It’s for you to move around and feel good and healthy and vibrant, sure, but to never let the extra tasks outside of your calling steal from your energy so that when you are called upon to be patient through a temper tantrum, to clean up yet another diaper blowout, spill, and cheerio mess…when you need to be that calm, level-headed, loving presence that communicates to your children that everything is going to be on, you have what you need to do so.

So you aren’t empty and exhausted when you are called upon to do your work.

Let other people carry the things you don’t need to be carrying now.

There will be plenty of times when you will have to be tough, when no good men are around to offer you help and you will have to manage on your own.

But you can help yourself and help society by receiving the complementary strength of assistance from good men that don’t seek to make you feel less than, but are learning to treat you with the support and respect you deserve, you oh wonderful and powerful birther and rearer of children, take the help.

You’ll thank yourself later and you’re giving men purpose which they need to stay alive.

Xoxo

Sarah

Women experiencing prolapse and depletion, keep your eyes open for an upcoming series of podcasts and lessons on getting to the ROOT cause of your prolapse and or depletion and finding healing.

This will be for paid subscribers only.

PS-I realize there are perfectly legitimate reasons why women get out of the habit of accepting “help” from men.

If past offerings of help have come with inappropriate expectations as “repayment” for help, a desire to disempower or a lack of reliability, I can understand a reluctance to accept assurance.

This is all the more reason why when good men or men-in-training offer to do the physical heavy lifting in life, we should let them.