So about purpose, life's work and all that...

I wonder if there has ever been a time in history when folks have been so focused on finding their purpose in life?

I fear that the unlimited options and endless decision-making we have experienced has confused and fatigued us. I also suspect it has inflated our concept of our life’s work.

I personally was raised by culture, family and educational institutions to believe that I had limitless options in life.
I could be and do ANYTHING I set my mind to!

Coming from a lower middle class family that had to make sacrifices in order to provide me with the life experiences and education that I received, I felt it was my birthright to redeem it all by doing something great.

Many of us women feel tasked by the culture and our own programmed minds with the job of making our mark on the world.
Those of us who are Christ-aware or committed often seek out work that involves serving, but in the most culturally considered “successful” ways possible.

I have always been drawn to such work.
My online business was devoted to helping women feel stronger and more capable in their bodies.
Every week I would get on calls with women all over the world to listen to their thoughts, experiences, history and struggles to help them through.

I sold digital programs, created a successful and well-listened-to podcast, built a business from nothing and earned a solid reputation amidst multiple prestigious professionals in the world of strength and fitness.

Before this I had earned a Masters in Soil science and published a training manual for 4H for education in community gardens in food insecure communities.

Before that I was head of an Advanced Biology program at a prestigious school in the Boston area where I trained young high school women who to think scientifically.

Before that I ran in vivo pre-clinical trial studies on cancer therapies at the National Institutes of Health where I became a published author in peer-reviewed journals several times over.

Each job was something to be proud of.
Each job revolved around helping, serving and teaching others.
Each position came with prestige, reputation, and some degree of notoriety.

None of these jobs, titles or credentials ever left me feeling fulfilled.

The work was never enough.
The feedback, reviews, publications, applause, never made me feel, “There. I’m doing it. My life’s work right here and it’s enough.”

I was always searching, grinding, aspiring to more and feeling empty.
I used to think it was imposter syndrome.
I was told it was a trauma-inflicted fear of success.

Well after years of being a public figure of sorts, I was exiled to a rural community on a farm to raise my family and from what I can tell, be pooped on daily on ________ name the animal.

For the past three years I have been on a {forced} journey to learn about purpose, work, servanthood and satisfaction and I have some thoughts.

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Recently I was having a conversation with a lovely mama who was sharing with me the details of her daily life.

As she talked about the work she was doing in her home, with her family and for her church, I noticed in several different ways in the conversation she alluded to wonderings of what God was going to do with her?
Where was He leading her?
What did He have for her to do?

These are questions I have asked myself oh so many times, questions I have demanded of God,

“How will I know what my calling is?”
“Where are you leading me?”
”What is my purpose?”
“When will I get there?” or even my favorite one, “What am I going to do for you?”

As I listened to this mama ponder her future I couldn’t help but think, about how she was unconsciously discounting the great work that she is doing right now while she focused on what’s coming next.


How much time and energy we all must waste waiting to do something “great” all the while the work we have been assigned is right in front of us.

Most of us do the best we can with our daily responsibilities but our minds are often clouded with thoughts of, “What’s next for me? Where is this all going?”

Maybe we are even guilty of not doing our best in our daily tasks because we are in a rush to get back to the “important” work we have assigned ourselves?

As far as I can tell, there’s a clear instance of this in the Bible.
The Israelites in the desert.

They seemed to be constantly preoccupied with what God was doing, why He had taken them from their perfectly adequate set-up (eye-roll both for them and for the part of me that has done this same thing) in Egypt and brought them to the desert and where was He leading them to?

The angst, frustration, refusal to submit and be content in their current circumstance made life far more difficult and dissatisfying for them.
The manna wasn’t enough. The cloud to keep them cool and the fire to keep them warm, the rescue from Egypt, a colossally wicked civilization that enslaved them, all not the “thing”.
In their instance they were on a journey to a Promised Land.

So are you, so am I.
But whether the space between our final destination feels like a desert or providence seems entirely up to us.

I can’t speak for you and I can’t speak for the mama in question above, but I will tell you my experience.

I have searched for most of my adult life for my “life’s work”.
What was I called to?
What was I going to do that was special?
What would I be known for?

After every talk, every degree, every accolade once the final high of accomplishment passed I wondered why these things didn’t tell me who I was.
Why didn’t they ever feel like enough?

I spent several years in my own metaphorical desert to finally learn the truth and this is that I have one purpose and one purpose alone and that is private obedience.


Since I have adopted a commitment to private obedience, I have discovered the most peace than I have ever had in my life.
I feel certain about my purpose.
I feel certain about my future.
I know what I am called to do.

It’s to obey the Lord and do the work He has put in front of me no matter if anyone sees it or knows about it.

All the energy and stress of fretting, looking, questioning…it’s gone.
I no longer wonder about why I am here on earth.
I know.
I know that while I had great plans for my life. I had aspirations and ambitions, they are completely in the Lord’s hand and I no longer want to take a single step unless it’s clear to me that He’s leading me, not because I’m super holy and perfect.
I’m afraid.

I think that’s what one of the things that is meant by the “fear of the Lord”.
I fear Him, not in the sense that I’m afraid of my Father, but I fear the consequences of not obeying Him. I fear missing out on His way.
I am afraid that now that I know the truth, what it would cost for me to honor my own will over His.

I sincerely believe that the feminist movement and its impact on education has done us women a disservice.
How many men do we know that get up and go to to work every day to for all intents and purposes thankless grindy jobs.

There’s a husband and father ripping out insulation from our crawlspace right now.
He works construction the rest of the week.
No fanfare, no community applause or acknowledgement, just him getting up every day to work an unseen job to provide for his family.

But I feel like most women I meet are not only not feeling content or satisfied with the work they have been given, some even seem like they feel above it, I know I did for a long time. Like it would be waste to use my brain and my education to clean my bathroom. I should work to make money so that I can pay someone else to do that. Someone whose lot in life is to do more primitive work. I have important things to do.

I do have important things to do.
So do you.
It’s to obey God in your heart no matter if anyone sees you.
While I know He does call people to greatness, to notoriety and public influence, most of the time I think He calls us to sit with Him. To be still. To do the simple tasks He has given us.

My yoke is easy; My burden is light.

And the more we crave greatness and impact, I believe the more He has to remind us that He is great and He is the impact and the its not for the clay to tell the potter what to make.


I once heard Elizabeth Elliot say, that she doesn’t think it makes any difference to God whether she is writing a book or peeling an onion, so much as that she is doing the work that He has given her to do at that moment because it is the obedience that is honoring to Him. He doesn’t consider one task greater than the other.

It’s in serving Him that she is doing something “great”.

I believe this wholeheartedly in light of the fact that our Lord was a no-named carpenter for thirty years.
He washed the filthy feet of a man who would in a matter of hours betray Him to his death and He knew it.
He was crucified between two criminals while the people below Him cast lots for His clothes.

Yet who I greater than He?

In my quest to do something special, great and memorable I hadn’t realized that I had allowed my pride and need for accomplishment to become my God.
I was obeying, yes, but I was obeying my own will.
I was willing to have a life, a career, a purpose that was not given to me.

I know that a lot of this comes from society’s attitude and the lies of the enemy.
he whispers in our ear all the time, “Make the most of this life! This is it. Put all your focus and work here. Do something important! Try a little harder, dig a little deeper, don’t let anyone get in your way.”

I asked God time and time again to bless my work, to show me my purpose, to help me do good work. I was never wrong to ask these things

Scripture tells us that God holds back no good thing,

What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? Luke 11

We are told to ask, seek and knock.

We are told that if we ask for something, God will not give us something evil.
But what if we ask for evil?
What if we are asking for snakes and scorpions when we think we are asking for fish and eggs?

We all ask for and lust after things that ultimately won’t be good for us.
We may even envy how other people we know that seem to get it while we don’t.

As a child that grew up in the 80’s before our society was so preoccupied with everything being even and fair, it was not uncommon to ask your parents for something and for them to say, “no”.

No you can’t put hairspray in your hair.
No you can’t have a phone in your room.
No you can’t wear a bunch of make up.
No you can’t go to that party.

We didn’t know when we asked that these things were necessarily harmful, we just desperately wanted them.
But my mother looked down at my young skin, healthy hair, innocent mind and body and she said, “No”. Because she knew best.

My God has done the same thing to me. He does it to you too.
He doesn’t give you what you want, because He has already given you what you need.

The Lord is my shepherd,

I
Shall
Not
Want.

While I was focused on purpose, He knew it would never be enough for me.
He allowed it to feel empty and dissatisfying.
He allowed my heart to care for something different.
He allowed the work of of trying to accomplish things to hurt my health so that I would stop chasing after it and start sitting still with Him to know Him so I could learn to hear Him and obey.

It wasn’t wrong to ask but it was futile to not accept His answer and to do it myself.

Yesterday I was making lunch for my three sons and I felt completely content.
There was no other better or more important work to be done.
I was doing exactly what assigned me in that moment.
Provide for and feed my children.
It was one of my private obedient acts of the day.

Did anyone see it or remark upon it’s greatness?
No.
My children even took it for granted because I’m their mom and it’s just my job to feed them-they’re not wrong and they are often very appreciative.
It didn’t matter.
I made lunch, fed it to them, cleaned up the dishes and moved on to the next task of the day feeling totally sure that this was the most important thing I could be doing in this moment, because it was the responsibility God had bestowed upon me right now.
It’s taken years for me to get her.
It felt so good not to miss it.

And the fact that I did it for Him and not just for my earthly young “masters” is pleasing to Him. The fact that my heart was genuinely quiet in that moment and I was clear on what I was supposed to do gave me profound peace and oddly enough energy for what came next.

It is possible that there will be something cool or something considered “great” in this life that I may do one day.
But I think it’s just as likely that most of the “great” things I will do will be largely unseen and not especially special except to the One that knows I am being obedient and for me, that is finally becoming enough.
My purpose has been found and funny enough, it is “greatness” after all.

Whoever wants to become great among you must serve the rest of you like a servant. Whoever wants to become first among you must serve the rest of you like a slave. In the same way, the Son of Man did not come to be served. Mathew 20

There is only today.
We have no idea what tomorrow brings.
Obedience today is what we have, it’s oddly beautifully fulfilling and do you know what?
Multitudes of angels rejoice when we do it.
How’s that for notoriety?

xoxo,
Sarah

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To my Avid readers,

I wonder if you five would be interested in a real live hard-copy newsletter mailed to your mailbox?

The concept is evolving but suffice it to say, I feel drawn to paper.

In my mind I see you walking out to your mailbox to see a lovely envelope hand-addressed to you.
You walk back to your home and place it on the countertop while you prepare a cup of tea.
The tea water boils and you select your favorite mug. You pour in the water to let the tea steep while you gather the honey, lemon, milk etc. whatever you require to make the perfect cup.

Once it’s ready you find your favorite sunny spot to bask in the sun or a cozy chair on a rainy day.
You sit back into your spot, relax, sip your tea, breathe in the vapors from your beverage and open your envelope.

Upon opening you are met with a lovely smell of whatever freshness is growing here on the farm.
A small little gift slips out of the envelope and falls onto the floor. You bend to pick it up and inspect it. “What is this?” you wonder as you unfold the pages of a newsletter written here on Fourth Man Farm for you, Wise Woman.

It’s been written in prayer and love by one woman in North Carolina who considered it a privilege to be able to share her experiences, mistakes, hard-earned lessons and love with you.
There are stories, some education, encouragement, a monthly devotion, book discussions, herbs to read about and more.

Each month is crafted with a theme that has been prayerfully assigned by our Creator as a gift to you.

While sitting in your chair that morning you skim this month’s issue and decide where to start, seeing that there is enough writing here for you to come back to multiple times over the course of the month.

It feels nourishing, personal and tangible.
You absorb what you can, ponder and ruminate on the things written for you this month and then stow the newsletter in a basket near your reading spot for later reference OR you gift this letter to a friend, thus widening the circle of Wise Women in our world.

After several months of reading you decide that you would like to contribute. You take time to put to paper your thoughts on faithful living, homemaking, a poem, a song of praise, a skill you have learned or other relevant topics and submit them to be shared in a future issue as a reader-contributor and your writing will then be sent to the other women in our circle.

If this appeals to you and you see yourself committing to a six month subscription for a monthly newsletter, can you please comment below? I will have to cover postage, envelopes, paying the printing company and the paper, because I don’t want to print on just anything. The paper matters!
Based on my calculations, $8.99 per month should be about what I would have to charge and I would like a six month commitment from subscribers to start.

PSS-Please share this with a friend that perhaps is NOT into digital things but would be down for a paper newsletter!